Introduction
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to write a book. Although I am a terrible speller and not a particularly skilled story teller, the idea of seeing my own words on bound paper has been very appealing to me. I had no clue, however, of what to write about. Years passed as I daydreamed about becoming an author and suddenly I was thirty-eight years old and still without even a short story to show for my writing ambition.
One day while at work I had a conversation about my relationship with my then eight-year-old daughter, Meagan, my only child. A divorced dad with joint custody privileges, my daughter lived with me for two weeks at a time during each month. This on-again off-again visitation schedule at times created challenges for me, both at work and in my personal life. Yet, it also gave me a wonderful opportunity to be very involved in my daughter’s day to day activities. I organized my schedule around hers during the time she spent with me, skipping lunch in order to leave work early enough to pick her up from school and hosting slumber parties on our weekends together.
During that workplace conversation I was asked if I truly enjoyed the rewards of parenting, or were they overshadowed by the challenges I faced, a single dad raising a young daughter. I answered quickly and adamantly – the rewards were endless and worth any challenge or lost opportunity I had to deal with. For the remainder of that afternoon my thoughts were filled with one reason after another about why I would rather, and without hesitation, compromise my career and single lifestyle than my relationship with my beloved little girl.
A lifelong note-taker and list-maker, I sat down when I arrived home that evening and in short order wrote out a list of reasons why I thought Meagan needed me; indeed a list of why I also needed her. I ended up with one-hundred reasons.
That list was originally like so many others I had written before, an attempt to get thoughts on paper before they were forgotten. When I finished the list I read it over – once, twice, and then many times. Suddenly I saw my written words were perhaps more than a simple list – they were a tribute to our relationship, a reassurance to my child that her father will always love her, passionately and unconditionally, no matter what.
It was also, quite frankly, a tangible reminder to myself of the things I thought I should do for her, as well as the things I knew, and hoped, not to ever do as one of her parents.
When it occurred to me that I had read the list over a dozen times before putting it down, the idea for my first book was finally born.
Nearly four years later the book was published; it was titled Why a Daughter Needs a Dad: A Hundred Reasons. I still remember the day Meagan and I first found copies of it on a shelf in a bookstore. My own words, on bound paper and in hardback, no less, were right there in front of me! Even if no one other than my family and friends were to buy the book, I was proud of it. And, it eventually connected with my daughter and me in a way I had not expected.
We began to talk more often about our relationship and improve upon it where we could. I worked harder to live up to my published words, and she began to have a better understanding of what concerned and motivated me as her father. A few times she even reminded me of what I had written when I was not conducting myself or handling a matter as I had suggested I should.
Soon we learned the book connected with others as well. I began to receive letters and email from dads and daughters of all walks of life who wanted to tell me about their own relationships. Over the last several years I have received countless emails, many from daughters who heaped praise on their dads and dads who told me of their hopes and dreams for their daughters. Occasionally a daughter wrote to express her longing for a dad who had passed away, and now and then a perplexed or frustrated dad would ask for advice. Most messages included hints of what a dad had actually done, knowingly or not, that contributed to the happiness and wellbeing of his loving daughter.
Today when I ponder my relationship with my daughter, and now also my step-daughter, Linley, wondering how best to handle or what to think of this or that situation, I often turn to my cache of email and letters. I scan them for advice and reassurance; surely some other dad has told me of when he was in a similar predicament, or a daughter has inadvertently described for me what to do when I find myself in a certain father-daughter quandary. Thankfully, I always find at least one note filled with welcomed wisdom.
It occurred to me on one occasion while reading these stories that perhaps with the advice and insight I’ve found in them, I could help other dads and daughters better understand their own father-daughter relationship. With that, the plans for this book began to materialize.
I corresponded with my readers, asking them to elaborate on stories they had shared with me, and tell me new ones. I wanted to hear what dads and daughters had learned from each other, how their relationship had changed over time, what challenges they faces and how they dealt with them, and their recall of favorite memories and special moments.
I eventually received nearly four-hundred stories; stories that not only continued to teach me a thing or two, but which reassured me there are plenty of dads and daughters who want to celebrate their relationship by sharing it with an eager and appreciative audience. I received funny and heartwarming stories about birthdays, daddy-daughter dates, emergency room visits, graduations, weddings, late night chats in the dark and so much more.
As I read these stories, I began to notice a few common threads running through them: fathers and daughters have a tremendous capacity to love each other no matter how challenged their relationship might have been at one time or another. Furthermore, I realized no father ever thinks his daughter is too old to call on him for help of any kind, just as eventually every daughter realizes she, no matter what her age, will always be her daddy’s little girl.
That brings me to the little girls in my life today. Meagan is now a high school senior preparing to enter college, and nearly every day we are reminded that in just over a year she will not only leave home, but our community as well. For her, this book is a reflection on the times we’ve spent together since I wrote Why a Daughter Needs a Dad, and a reminder that though she may leave the nest, she can never leave my heart. My step-daughter, Linley, has now lived nearly three years with me and is embracing a new kind of daddy-daughter relationship, one that can be had with a step-dad. For her, this book is a promise that she can have as much of me as she wants, and in these stories I hope she sees just how much that can be.
You are about to read stories about dad and daughter relationships, some downright funny and obvious, others subtle yet thought provoking. Dads, I hope you will finish this book with the same feelings of enlightenment and inspiration I experienced while writing it. And daughters, after you’ve turned the last page, I hope you give your dad a great big hug and a kiss. I assure you, he’ll be delighted that you did.